There's Only So Much A Heart Can Take
by fanmin
Summary: They said time and love would fix a broken heart. What about missing heart? How to replace a heart? There's only so much a heart can take, but this, this was too far - James/Logan - Companion piece of Forget-Me-Not


**Title:** There's only So Much a Heart Can Take

**Main characters: **James Diamond (and his body parts), Logan Mitchell

**Side characters: **Carlos, Kendall, Camille, Jett

**Warning:** Slash Jagan

**Alternate Universe**

Summary: They said time and love would fix a broken heart. What about missing heart? How to replace a heart? There's only so much a heart can take, but this, this was too far.

A/N: Companion piece to Forget Me Not (strongly recommended to read it first). Told in a heart's point of view. It might feel a bit weird that the organs and body parts are personized, but I hope you can still enjoy it. :)

* * *

_He knew I loved him, he just didn't know how much._

_He got vast knowledge, but my feelings weren't a subject he was interested in learning._

_If only he knew, my heart never really changed, steadily loving him..._

* * *

Hello. Let me introduce myself. I'm a heart belonged to a carefree popular pretty boy named James Diamond. I was a clean heart, an innocent pure heart, proud with my nice steady rhythm.

First time I thumped faster and louder than ever was when that boy passed by, heading to his own classroom. I knew right from the start he was going to be something important, someone who would occupy Mind for a long term. Mouth was still talking with Jett and the others, but Eyes couldn't stop staring. The physical attraction was just already set at first sight.

I pleaded, wanting to know his name, eager to craving that in me.

Then James tried looking for any information about that boy. It's Logan Mitchell. I kept that name inside the deepest part of me. I felt warm all inside when James found pieces by pieces that formed a Logan. This Olympiad, that competition, brilliant grades… It's a wonder how a human could be so perfect. He just intrigued me more. And I knew Mind had realized this too, as seen how Lips couldn't stop smiling whenever Logan came across James's thoughts.

James chose Valentine's day, a day dedicated to love, to finally confess. I was pounding quickly out of nervousness, honestly fearful of rejection. But James was a great actor. No matter what I had to say, he could keep that everything-worked-just-fine façade all the time. During recess, he went to Logan's locker room, finding the shorter brunette in the middle of arranging his books.

He held the heart-shaped chocolate box, which he bought a day before after choosing very carefully, in one hand and me in the other; ready to hand me over too once the box was accepted. I was so hyper, already wondering what it'd be like to be held by Logan, to be taken care of, to be beating along with his heart.

"Sorry, I'm not into boys."

But with that simple answer, I felt myself crack a little. James kept up his perfect smile though. He went on, persuading the smart boy, describing me, still asking for a chance. However Logan stayed on his ground.

"I'm not interested in dating anyone right now. But if you want us to start being friends, I guess that's okay. I take this as friendship offer, not as Valentine chocolate."

I stared at the chocolate the pair ate after in jealousy. The chocolate was accepted, happy for being eaten by both. Yet I was left alone. Logan didn't want me…

* * *

It hurt. It hurt to be just friends with Logan because I wanted more all the time. James told me not to be selfish, but it was just not possible. No, James couldn't change his feelings no matter how hard he tried because the name was already craved at my wall, all about Logan had been. Moving on was just not possible.

It was frustrating how everyday James would seal me and laugh with Logan, spend time together, help each other and talk freely about Logan's crushes; while every night he studied my cracks and bruises, trying to ease the pain the whole body felt by pouring what I had to say into words and music. Words and music which only reached the right person on Valentine's day, only to be read one time, to be sighed over, then to be returned with another rejection.

Logan, would you ever want me?

* * *

It was finally the sixth Valentine of loving Logan. Mind had invented a genius idea last year: to give Logan hand-made chocolates. Logan had always rejected me and called my feelings on the papers stupid, but how's feelings-filled chocolate? Logan had never rejected chocolates before.

Eyes had opened since early in the morning. Lips couldn't stop grinning and Mind kept replaying all memories James and Logan had as the boy made the chocolates. I suggested him to shape them in letters, hoping this time Logan would be reminded again and finally giving in after six consecutive 'No's.

James walked off to school with huge grin, though his entire happy aura disappeared when Eyes caught the huge poster plastered on the school bulletin. There would be a Valentine Dance Party, in which everyone should bring a date to dance with. I beat weakly, knowing exactly whom Logan would go with.

Camille Roberts, his current crush. The girl was lovely, and it was actually difficult to disdain her. She was nice and cool and I would have happily told James to go make friends with her if only Logan weren't interested in her. Even before Logan came into vision, I already knew what would happen next. James would seal me again and spend the day helping Logan trying to ask Camille to the dance.

I knew, right?

I flinched as the pain I felt grew even stronger and the cracks got even more visible. Like a vulnerable porcelain, I bet just one gentlest touch would break me into pieces.

Logan did the honour. After all the hassle James got through to get Logan a date, this was the payment he received later when they were at Logan's house. It was this simple plain question: "Should we stop being friends?"

The words forced themselves into Ears, finding their way straight to invade my place, like a huge hammer they crushed me. I knew I had stopped beating when James asked Logan to explain.

"So you want us to stop being friends?"

"For a while. For your own good. It's not that I hate you, just remember that."

If I were beating, I sure didn't feel myself.

"I'll hang with others. Please? If you successfully get over me, it won't hurt anymore. We can be best buds again with no hard feelings. I can date Camille without feeling guilty all the time. You can find the one meant for you. We can go on double date and... Please James, that's all I ever want. Come back when the day comes."

Left eye accidentally dropped a single tear before Legs hurriedly brought James away from that house, from that look on Logan's face. Only when the pretty boy had arrived at the safety of his room, on his bed, Eyes finally let the tear dam loose. The whole body ached, crying along with the broken boy. None of us knew how to survive the following days.

* * *

Mind then wondered if the chocolates had been given. Hands said they left them on the sofa. I bet Logan would eat them alone this year, with no guilt or any other feelings, being a jerk he was.

* * *

The mistake happened only two weeks after Valentine's day.

Valentine Dance Party talks had been outdated, now the school was focused on the coming Spring Festival, where every club had to perform to interest their new juniors on the following academic year. James was in drama club, and so was Camille. Being the best-looking and the most talented male and female they were, main leads were given to them. Once again, James ignored my disagreement.

I hated the love scenes, which required James to kiss her, whom Ears heard had dated Logan since the dance. But only because it was obligation, James then did it. They kept practicing lines together and one day James got too caught up in the mood the play created. Mind was tuned out and I didn't even present, it was all Lips and Skin fulfilling their craving for a touch. But I actually beat when James started kissing Camille as passionate as she did him. Fuck Logan, Fuck his girlfriend, I've got some body in front of me letting me beat along with the person's heart.

Ears were the first to sober up as they caught rustles behind. James quickly pulled away, turned to see Carlos falling from a bush, Kendall on top of him, obviously spying on them. Mind couldn't stop cursing. I was still zoned out, beating in random rhythm. Face was flushed, Eyes were blown wide, all in all James was startled for finally realizing what he had just done.

_Oh my God. I kissed someone who isn't Logan and fuck, of all people it has to be Logan's girlfriend!_

Legs ran fast back into classroom. Lungs had trouble breathing and I too had trouble returning to my steady beats. Kendall and Carlos would definitely tell Logan, maybe Camille would apologize too, and where would that leave James? As the bad guy. And Logan would absolutely hate him forever.

I felt like being thrown off a cliff, landing hard and now lying as a heap of even tinier pieces.

* * *

When Logan approached few days later, James didn't know what to feel. Anger, disappointment, and betrayal were evident in Logan's face that he actually scared the James.

The pale boy was being to the point, asking straight-forwardly the reason why James had kissed Camille. I couldn't prevent him for answering with honesty. There was no point lying after all.

Because I thought what's already broken cannot be broken anymore. Apparently I was wrong.

"Do you really like her that much, Logan?"

"I like her enough that I won't forgive you if that happened again."

I was already in pieces, falling off a cliff now landing as dust. But Logan had just stomped on me, with his painful shoes he kicked me to random direction, scattered me all over the place, making me impossible to be collected.

They said time and love would fix a broken heart. What about missing heart? How to replace a heart? There's only so much a heart can take, but this, this was too far.

Now James had to live without a heart. The other parts of James's body wailed along. Without a heart, a man was practically dead. He couldn't love, couldn't enjoy anything, couldn't support other parts of the body, couldn't even hold a soul. Nine months passed by James being nothing but a shell, all thanks to Logan.

* * *

Eyes were dilated as a kid suddenly came into the vision. Hands moved the handle automatically. Ears heard a crash.

What just happened?

* * *

...

* * *

I was confused, beating slowly as I wondered who I was.

Oh. Ohh. I was a heart. I belonged to a boy named James Diamond.

Mind greeted me, informing me that it was feeling weird. Like something was not right, some spots in Mind weren't supposed to be empty. To be told about it, actually I felt weird too. I examined myself, impressed at how healthy and perfectly-shaped I was. No cracks, no leaks, no whatsoever. But somehow I felt empty. I checked my deeper part, surprised to actually see a small life. I saw music, fame, and I saw that name. 'Logan Mitchell'.

_Who's that?_ I asked.

_Logan Mitchell? Oh, I know him. It's a school friend. He's a genius boy._ Mind answered for me.

Eyes, Ears, and the other parts started to function much whiles later, as James regained consciousness. Some doctor just walked in, asking questions and questions until Mind was getting dizzy. James had lost his memory? For real? Now this whole thing scared me. What had happened? How much memory did James just forget? When would they return? What was James Diamond exactly?

The doctor soothed him from freaking out by saying, "Maybe you want to meet your friends? I'm sure they're the ones who know who you are the best, James. You might recognize them too. Their names are Kendall, Carlos, and Logan."

First time I thumped faster and louder than ever was when the name was mentioned. I knew right from that moment he's got to be something important, someone who had occupied Mind for a long term, and would occupy me permanently. With or without memories of him.

-End-


End file.
